


Vox Machian's worst enemy

by zinabug



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: (no hair braiding in this fic though), Baking, Fluff, I have a brand and it's late night cooking and nonsense about hair braiding, Late Night Baking, M/M, Trapped In A Closet, anyway, birthday gift, despite the title this is fluff and shenanigans I swear, goofy nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:28:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27230479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinabug/pseuds/zinabug
Summary: “Well, my sweet darling Freddy, since you asked so kindly,” Vax sat up, still on Percy’s legs, and whipped the blanket off of him. “I want cookies.”Percy covered his face with his arm. “I’m sure the kitchen has some.”“You’re misunderstanding me,” Vax said, leaning over so he was on top of Percy, his forehead leaning on Percy’s arm . “I want you to make cookies with me. Now.”
Relationships: Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vax'ildan
Kudos: 27





	Vox Machian's worst enemy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mothman12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mothman12/gifts).



> HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY YA NERD!

“Hey, Freddy. Wake up.” 

In an instant he was up, hand going for his gun, before he realized who it was. Vax. 

“What do you want?” he sighed and laid back, pulling the top blanket over his face. 

“That’s no way to greet your boyfriend!” Percy felt a heavy weight settle over his legs as Vax laid down on top of him. “Where’s the love?” 

“Too late for love,” Percy grumbled,“So what do you want?” 

“Well, my sweet darling Freddy, since you asked so kindly,” Vax sat up, still on Percy’s legs, and whipped the blanket off of him. “I want cookies.” 

Percy covered his face with his arm. “I’m sure the kitchen has some.” 

“You’re misunderstanding me,” Vax said, leaning over so he was on top of Percy, his forehead leaning on Percy’s arm . “I want  _ you _ to make cookies with  _ me. _ Now.” 

“Vax, I’ve never made cookies before.” 

“I don’t care.”

“It’s very late.” 

“Still don’t care.” 

Percy shoved Vax off of him, and he tumbled off the bed onto the floor, landing with annoying grace and agility. “Freddy, come on.” 

“No, I’m going back to sleep!” Percy rolled over so he was facing away from Vax and pulled the blanket up over his head again. 

“But what if…” Percy felt Vax settle and lean over him again. 

“What if  _ what,  _ dear.” 

“What if it’s my birthday.” Vax slid down his side and pulled the blanket down again so the two of them were face to face. 

“I’m pretty sure it’s not,” Percy sighed. “Weren’t you two born later in the fall?” 

“What if it’s your birthday,” Vax said. 

“I know when my birthday is,” Percy shoved Vax away from his face. 

“What if it’s… Trinket’s birthday.” Vax leaned back in and kissed the tip of Percy’s nose. 

“And why does that mean I have to get up at this ungodly hour to make cookies with you?” 

“I dunno. Come on, get up.” 

“Vax'ildan, dear-” 

“Oh, so it isn’t too late for love?” Vax kissed him again, this time on the lips. “Please?” 

Percy sighed and sat up. “Where are my glasses.” 

* * *

“You weren’t lying, huh.” 

Vax and Percy were leaned over a cookbook in the dark kitchen of Whitestone castle. Percy was wearing his glasses now, but his hair was still a mess and his shirt was buttoned wrong. Vax hadn't bothered with a shirt in the first place, and his hair was up in a braid. 

“I’ve either had people to cook for me or been on the road basically my entire life,” Percy yawned and rubbed his eyes. “I’ve hardly made stew, nevermind baking.” 

“Well, we’re learning!” Vax grinned and rubbed his hands. “Do you know where everything is in this place?” 

“I used too,” Percy looked around the room. “When I was a child.” 

“Close enough!” Vax said. “So, we need flour, brown and white sugar, eggs, butter, baking soda and powder, vanilla, and chocolate chips.” 

“Eggs and butter are in the icebox, the other things might be in the pantry,” Percy yawned again. “Are you positive we have to do this tonight?” 

“Yes.” Vax said. “You go find the pantry, I’ll look in the icebox.”

Percy walked towards the corner the icebox was tucked in, absently trying to smooth down his shirt. The icebox was kept cold with magic, and had been in the castle for decades. Cass had gotten shut inside it once, when she was a lot younger. 

He opened the door and was greeted by a familiar bast of cold air. He stepped inside, careful to keep a foot in the door, and started looking around. It was smaller than he remembered, just big enough for two people, and more crowded with shelves and food. 

_ Eggs, butter.  _

Butter was right by the door, on a shelf above the milk jugs. Eggs were in the back. Just out of his reach while still keeping his foot in the door. He sighed and glanced around, looking for something to prop it open with, and decided on a small bowl. He leaned it in the gap, collected a couple eggs, and turned around to see Vax standing right behind him. He jumped, dropping the eggs, which shattered on the stone floor. 

“Sorry,” Vax smiled faintly. “We can clean it up.” 

Percy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Don’t tell me you let the door shut behind you.” 

Puzzled, Vax glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah, I did- why?” 

“It latches when it closes” Percy said heavily.

Vox Machina’s worst enemy is doors for a reason. 

* * *

“I don’t suppose you have your earring?” Percy asked. “We could get someone to rescue us?” 

Vax shook his head. 

“The cooking staff won’t be in for… two hours at least.” Percy added. 

Vax sighed. “Yeah, well. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s alright, I just don’t want to spend all night in here.” Percy said. “It’s rather cramped and cold and I’m hoping for more than an hour of sleep.” 

“An HOUR?”

“You should know better than anyone I don’t sleep very much.” Percy sighed and rubbed his eyes. “We’re never doing this again.” 

“What, getting stuck in the icebox or cookies?”

“Yes.” 

“Freddy.” Vax cupped Percy’s face in his hands. “Freddy. I make no promises.” 

Percy leaned over and kissed Vax for a long minute, feeling him smile against his lips. 

“If you ever get us stuck in an icebox again, I  _ will  _ shoot you.” 

* * *

Vax slammed his narrow shoulder against the door a couple times. it creaked, but didn’t move. 

“Why is this door so solid?” Vax snapped, slamming into it again. 

“To keep the cold in,” Percy said. “Can’t you get it open? You’re a  _ rouge.”  _

“Yeah, well, I don’t exactly have my lock picking tools with me,” Vax snapped, gesturing at himself: no shoes or shirt, no hairpins, just pajama pants. 

Percy dug around in his pockets, pulled out some scraps of paper and a bullet, and shrugged. “I don’t have anything either.” 

“Why don’t you try to shove the door open? You’re stronger than me!” Vax gestured to the closed door as best he could in the cramped space. He was starting to shiver. 

Percy shrugged again and ducked under Vax’s arm to get to the door, handing him his glasses as he did so. If he was going to be running into doors he didn’t want to break them. 

He frowned at the door. Solid, wooden, locked. It would probably hurt to slam into. 

He launched himself at it, and fell over, crashing into the door without any effect and knocking another egg off the shelf. 

“Ineffective.” he said, sighing and holding out a hand for his glasses.

“Wait a second.” Vax said, twisting the glasses around in his hands. “The frames.” 

“What about them?” Percy squinted at his blurry boyfriend. “I’d like my glasses back  _ unbroken  _ please.” 

“Wait.” Vax glanced up at Percy. “Promise you won’t kill me?”

“What- yes, of course,” Percy paused. “What are you doing?”

“Sorry about this,” Vax said, before pushing past Percy and kneeling down in front of the lock, bending  _ Percy’s glasses,  _ held in Vax’s hands. 

“What are you DOING!” Percy moved to grab his glasses from Vax, but he shoved him away. 

“Give me just a second.” 

Percy watched, angry, as Vax blurrily worked to pick the lock on the door with the earpiece of his glasses. After a few minutes and a lot of cursing, the lock clicked and the door swung open, sending Percy and Vax tumbling across the floor of the kitchen. 

* * *

“Freddy, are we still going to bake cookies?” Vax asked from where he was draped across the floor, his cheek pressed to the stone. 

Percy picked up his glasses and sighed. One of the lenses was cracked from where Vax had dropped them on the floor.

“I don’t see why not, after we’ve gone through so much trouble. Go and get eggs?” 


End file.
